Sibling Behavior Decoded

As a family psychologist and consultant to family firms, one of my most rewarding experiences is to sit down with brothers and sisters as they renegotiate old rivalries and stereotypes from childhood. Usually this happens after the unexpected death of a parent when siblings are suddenly forced to make decisions without Mom or Dad. It is wonderful to see people who have been together all their lives—and thought they knew everything about each other—reach beyond rhetoric and enjoy the surprise of meeting each other for the first time as adults.

The sibling bond usually lasts longer than any of our other family ties. Our sibs enter our lives, without our having any say in it, long before our spouses, and most of them outlive our parents. According to some social scientists, our position in the “sib line,” or birth order, can have a profound affect on personality. The oldest are more likely to become National Merit Scholars than so-called later-borns. Middle children tend to develop creative ways to negotiate and become mediators. The youngest children, always having had an audience, often resort to outrageous imitations of everyone else in the family.

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